Moment of Ephiphany

Hey ladies and gents, it's ya lady Untouched Jewel in the buildin.

Today is a bit of a somber one for me. Don't know if the hormones have kicked into overdrive, or the emos have taken over. All I know is I'm realizing yet another thing about myself that I've finally come to grips with  today.

For a long time I've always wondered why I never kept in touch with alot of people that have come and gone and come again in my life. Friends and acquaintances have asked me why I haven't kept in touch with them. Well now I finally know the answer to that. I don't deal with parting ways with people I know at all. So rather than just saying goodbye, I rather just "fade to black" before anyone notices I've distanced myself or stopped talking. Also, I'm not gonna bother with someone who doesn't want to bother with me genuinely. I'm not one of those kind of women who likes to be made a fool of or brushed to the side (hey, what woman does?). Ain't gonna even lie to y'all.....I'm quite a sensitive yet in-your-face person. There are things, situations and people in life that are all or nothing to me. And if I can't have all, I take nothing. There's never a gray area for me.

And then....there's relationships. I don't take them lightly. Other people treat relationships like "see them come, see them go". I'm the complete opposite. I treat people the way I want to be treated, but sadly enough I don't get that same courtesy. So I go back into my normal "fade to black" mode & hope someone would half way miss me. *sigh* I'm so sick of short-lived relationships that coulda had the potential to grow into something wonderful, but die out. Sometimes I wonder if it's me, or if it's them. Either way it goes, I end up on the shit end of the stick. There are times I rather not bother with people period (family included), because of the kind of relationships formed with them and the dynamic-- or lack thereof-- can be such a headache. I figure why deal with people who don't want to deal with me? Why smile in my face if you don't want to be in my presence? GET THE FUCK ON! I can't deal with people sometimes.

Anywho, I guess I'll sit here in utter lonesome until my poor tattered feelings are back right again. Lol. Or start deleting some ppl out of my life that don't want to be bothered. *Kanye shrug*

Until Next Post,
Fingaz & Blessins,
Untouched Jewel