Falsehoods, Fairytales and Fallacy

Good evening ladies and gents, it's ya girl Untouched Jewel in the buildin! Before I go into this post, I would like to wish everyone a very Happy New Year for 2015. Damn, and to think the year 2000 seems like it was over a half century ago or somethin, right?! Lol. I hope everyone enjoyed the New Year's debauchery and foolery that took place brining in the new year.  Ha!

Moving right along......

Lately, my mind has been going into total overdrive with a certain subject that seems to keep showing up in tv shows, music, writing, etc., and I happen to see it scroll by my face quite often. Sooooo....I just figured I would put my two cents in and address some shit. It's like the more I see it, the more it raises red flags to me. Not only that, but it truly irks my poor tattered innocent soul. Yes, I said I'm innocent. That's my story, and I'm stickin to it! ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOOO!

Ok fellas.....scenario: Say you are digging this female, and she seems to have a lot of qualities that you want in a woman, and maybe a little more. You vibe with her, being in her company is great and the conversations between the two of you have you feeling some kinda way, right?! But then just when you are feeling her, you immediately hit her with some shit like: "Are you seeing other dudes?" "Don't be givin my pussy away to no other n***a!"

Ummmmm.......are you fuckin stupid, Monkey Johnson?!

First off, where the hell do you come off asking questions like these to ANY female? Second, who the fuck do you think you are? I mean seriously........for any guy to sit up and ask questions like these to a female the moment they are feeling some kinda way need their ass whooped with a Louisville Slugger and then strung up by their feet. Here's where I'm about to really step on some toes now.....

Fellas, if you call yourself asking a female these questions, don't you dare (and I mean REALLY DON'T DARE) fix your mouth to question a female about shit when you yourself are out in them streets slangin your man parts like free base and crack at The Carter like this is New Jack City. Ummmm, no Nino Brown.......NOBODY WORTH THEIR SALT WANTS COMMUNITY DICK, K? Oh yes....I went there! *Rasputia voice* Ha you durrin?

I am so sick and tired of guys questioning a female's loyalty to them when they themselves aren't. Who died and crowned a dude with trust issues Man of the Year? Really, where they do that at? I find it hard to put faith into someone who's gotta wonder if I am being exclusive to them and being nothing but loyal to them when they aren't showing and proving they are loyal to me. Like, how would I know you don't have a bevy of bitches stored up in your phone the minute we get into a heated disagreement? How would I know that if a desperate bitch who's itchin to get in your circle and your bed finally gets the prize she been waitin on the sidelines for? If you wanna see loyalty.....me school you on it.

Loyalty is when a female could just as easily go through your phone being nosy to see who you are talking to, doesn't have the time or energy to give to go through that drama. She will trust that you are being on your best behavior when she's not around. Loyalty is when a female would want to spazz out when other bitches are being disrespectful in her face when it comes to you, but she conducts herself like a lady and keeps it mellow. Loyalty is when she can be supportive of everything you strive for yet doesn't get lost in you completely and hanging on to your every word and deed because she had a life before and during you. Loyalty is when these other bitches are all in your face gassing your head up with bullshit, she's giving you the real to keep you focused on what's important. All those examples I mentioned are what loyalty is about. If you don't have a female in your corner that take up these facets, you need to cut a bitch off. Chances are she's likely after dick, money or both. Spare yourself the drama.....especially when it comes to the child support court and she out spendin it on herself while your kids look like overfilled trash bins that missed the weekly pickup.

Let me hip y'all fellas on to somethin: DO NOT EXPECT NO FEMALE TO DROP HER LOVE/DATING LIFE TO CATER TO YOUR EGO. She will show you better than she can tell you just how important you really are when you aren't holding up your end of the bargain. Anybody can drop that lip service with bubblegum game anytime. But it takes backin up what the hell you say and meaning the shit to really get a woman's attention and have her take you seriously. Otherwise, all you are doing is lying, selling dreams and droppin that dick game when the former is falling apart to keep her cooperative. Dick can only make a female compliant but for so long. Then what else you got after that? *Kanye shrug*

In 2015, you fellas gotta step some shit up for real. These new millennium females ain't fallin for the okey doke as fast as you can let a lie fly out of your mouth. The moment they see you full of shit, they start switchin up goin for Team Lesbian or Team Bi (whichever tickles their fancy at the time). Now, don't get it twisted......I'm all about love between men and women (especially of the Black persuasion). But in this day in time, you can't continue to run games and not think that a female isn't gonna eventually catch you slippin. Like I said before, a female will show you better than she can tell you just how important you really are. May wanna marinate on that a little bit....

Until Next Post,
Peace, Blessins and No Stress,
Untouched Jewel

Sisterhood?! Bitch, please!

Hello ladies and gents.....it's your favorite little one, Untouched Jewel. I'm in the building today, because I wanna vent my frustration about this plague of fakeness that's going on. 

For years, I have heard of as well as encountered women (of the same ethnicity as well as other ethnicities) cry out and wave the flag of "sisterhood". Women....I'm sorry, females.....want to scream about how they aren't supporting one another, etc., etc. and all this other hoopla about let's stick together and support each other blah, blah, blah.........IS UTTER BULLSHIT! 

I have to admit, I myself wrote a post some time back about women (Black women in particular) not supporting one another. I today would like to retract those feelings. I will explain my reasoning.  Ladies let's be clear about one thing: you claim you want sisterhood with fellow females and being able to get along with one another and not competing with one another. But the minute some dick is entered into the equation, all that sisterhood shit goes out the window. Yes, I said it! You will let some good bumping and grinding, huffing and puffing, hair pulling good sex from the best dick in the world come between yourself and another female, be it between a relative or someone not related to you.

I read an article last night on theroot.com  that prompted me to write this post. This girl was hooked up with a guy by her "friend". As time passed, the guy ended up telling the girl that the "friend" that set her up with him was someone he had slept with before. Sadly, the "friend" failed miserably by not telling the girl she gave her her sloppy seconds. EPIC FAIL! Shit like this is why I don't hang with a bunch of females. And if I do hang with females, they are either people I've developed close friendships with or are family. Had that been me in that situation, I would have let ole girl have it for setting me up with someone she had first dibs with in the sack. Who the hell does that?! Second, I would sit ole boy down and let him know that whatever is developing between he and I could no longer continue. Reason being: for someone who slept with my friend, I wouldn't be able to take him seriously or see him as potential for anything to do with a future. But as far as ole girl is concerned, she not only was setting up the girl for failure, but herself as well. It would have served her right if the guy fell in love with the girl that got hooked up with him and the "friend" was left hanging, because she was just some ass dude didn't take seriously. Like they say, "When you dig a ditch, you better dig two."

I know I'm not perfect nor am I a saint in life. One thing I can say is that my moral compass will never ever sway for dick. I would never in a million years sleep with or date someone who slept with or dated someone I knew or are related to. Sadly, I've had acquaintances and "friends" do me shitty over dick. Even if I didn't date the person, but felt some kind of way about that person (and they knew about it), they fucked me over. I won't lie, I would be pissed on the inside, but after seeing them do me that way, I would "feed them with a long handle spoon", and go on about my business. 

Ladies, when you are doing shady shit to a friend or relative for the sake of having some dick in your life, you ma'am are fake as Monopoly money and need your ass kicked. I say with utter conviction, because at that point your true character is exposed for what it is. Sure enough men come and go like the wind blows, but if you gotta stoop low enough for that one and risk a relationship with people whom have been down for you, that's when you need a reevaluation of yourself. 

And ladies........I WISH HALF OF Y'ALL WOULD STOP ACTIN FAKE AND PHONY WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES WHOM ALSO HAPPEN TO BE FEMALE. Somewhere along the line you are jealous of that person and will do the most sinister shit to try to one-up them to make yourself feel better. YOU LOOK STUPID! Stop walking around talking about "she's my sister and I love her very much." Bitch, quit lying to them and yourself! Do yourself a favor and work on your insecurities before another lie flies out of your mouth. Yes, human nature is a beast in itself. But when you say one thing and are doing something else, that makes you a hypocrite. Be woman enough to deal with the fact that you are a jealous bitch of your friends or family and handle it accordingly. 

And in conclusion, save that sisterhood shit for the mildly retarded. If you aren't doing anything to be "sister-like" (i.e. being a great support system and your loyalty to that person runs deeper than something or someone who would come in and break it apart), don't run around being fake. I find shit like that fake and fraudulent. Just......STOP. It's not a good look. 

Until Next Post,

Peace & Blessins,

Untouched Jewel 

Time To Turn Off the Snooze Button.......THE RISE OF IMPEACHMENT AGAINST PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

Hello ladies and gents, it's ya lady Untouched Jewel, in the building!

This post I'm making kinda special in a sense, because right now.....there's a war going on. I'm not talking about east vs. west, Tupac vs. Biggie (which are both dead, may they rest in peace), or fish vs. chicken. I'm talking about a war of the rich get richer vs. the poor are as part of the Good Times theme song says "scratchin and survivin". And part of that scratchin and survivin is riding on this gubernatorial and senatorial elections come November. During this time those votes determine who will run the Senate and House in Congress, governors, state representatives, etc.

With those elections taking place, one major thing is on the line......THE LEGACY OF THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION. I'm sure there are people who ride or die for this president as well as those who oppose what he stands for. Sadly, there are powerful people who wanted to see him fail from the word GO. Who are those people, you may ask? It's quite simple: THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

From the time the president set foot into the White House, President Obama became their biggest threat. You had the "Tea Party" going on a full on tirade questioning his ethnicity, even going as far as using Mr. Combover himself (Donald Trump) making press conferences to see his birth certificate. Really?! No, really?! Like, where they do that at? When they couldn't make a mockery of him on that issue, then they wanted to ridicule his policies and laws that have passed to better Americans (i.e. Obamacare, The Dream Act, etc.). That didn't work. Then when the shit hit the fan about the whole Benghazi situation, that's when they wanted to spring into action and consider the idea that President Obama was deserving of impeachment. 

Well according to Wiki Answers, it states that the reasons a president can be impeached would be for reasons of treason, bribery and other high crimes of misdemeanors. So now the Republican Party is trying to use the excuse of the Dream Act becoming an executive order, they want to use this to be the proverbial "wrench in the spokes" to get him out of office. Here's what I find to be funny and sad about the Republican Party: they are scrambling like roaches when the lights come on, because they know once President Obama is out of office, his legislation will still be in place long after he's gone. They are trying to do any and everything they can to discredit him as a leader of the "free world", and tarnish his name to no end. So the Republican Party knows that the disenfranchised (aka minorities) won't do anything to go out and vote. And because they are privy to that tidbit of information, they are using it to their advantage like the one person at the poker table bluffing their way into winning the game. 

What's also funny is how the Republicans want to say that President Obama is committing acts that are unconstitutional and embody the definitions of what is considered impeachment, but what about President Bush (first and second)? They have committed (in my honest opinion) all kinds of high crimes. Let's take for example the "War in Afghanistan" after 9/11. They got on television boasting about how Osama Bin Laden had weapons of mass destruction, but not once did they find anything. Even former General Colin Powell admitted there were no weapons. So what the hell were our troops in the middle east for? A tea party? Baby shower? Now mind you the first Bush president was greasing palms and rubbing elbows with these same people back in the 80's and 90's when Russia was acting a fool and our government and military power needed the help of the very radicals they wanted to eradicate when the World Trade Centers crumbled to nothing. See, people need to stop and look at the bigger picture instead of the small detail or defect that's in it. Republicans see that the rich are getting even richer and the poor and working class folk are barely gettin by. Here's some facts for y'all:

• Water in Detroit is being shut off for people who can't pay their bill (that may be in the $200-$300 range). That city has been in dire straits for the past several years or better.
• The cost of living, good and services have skyrocketed over the past decade or better, but minimum wage hasn't been raised in 5 years.
• President Obama tried to get legislation passed for women to receive equal pay as men in the workforce, but Republicans oppose it at every turn.
• Congress is fighting to repeal Obamacare every chance they can get.

Does anyone see what's really goin on here? And what's even more sad is that the Republicans would stoop low enough to get to the poor and impoverished white people (aka trailer park trash) to vote for their party, and yet they are still in the same position as they were before they fell for the banana in the tailpipe. Republicans will stop at nothing to get what it is they want, even at the expense of those who make 4-5 figures less a year than they do. I won't even get started on the jacked leg job they are trying to pull over on African American people......

Ladies and gentlemen of African descent, it's time we turn off the snooze button and start waking up. Now is not the time to continually go for mediocre, status quo, or goin through the motions. We are too busy relying on politicians to do EVERYTHING for us and are too lazy to get up and do for self. Malcolm X and Martin Luther King didn't die in vain. Cesar Chavez didn't die in vain. Why should we let their legacies and their fight die with us? As much as our ancestors fought, struggled and even died to have the voting rights (or what's left of them) we have today, now is not the time to just sit back and let GOP dictate how we live our lives, how we raise our families or how we go out to make an earnest living. I constantly hear African Americans say "my vote doesn't count". THAT'S BULLSHIT! WE the people determine who gets elected into these offices of service and government. The government doesn't determine that. The voice of the people is what can make or break how laws are executed and considered. When we as a people don't vote, we lose out. Our children would suffer the brunt of what decisions were made by us from time past. 

I know some people are gonna say "why are you pulling out the race card?" It's quite evident: everyone other than white won't and still don't receive the fair treatment we deserve. So what that this is 2014. Let's not forget it was 16, 17 years ago a black man was dragged to his death in the backroads of Jasper, TX. It was all of just about 40 years or more that segregation was abolished. For goodness sake, they don't celebrate Martin Luther King day in Arizona! Something is absolutely wrong and if we don't correct the problem, it's going to do nothing but get worse.  

November.......GO VOTE! No excuses. Don't complain when they are locking up your family members for years on a crack cocaine charge. Don't complain when your neighborhood looks like shit after the neighborhood drug dealers/crack heads have taken over and turned it into a wasteland. Don't complain when local gangs are tagging up your community bringing the property value down to nothing. If you don't do anything else, vote to keep your children from suffering the backlash of your lack of exercising your given right. Not only is your present affected, but so is their future. 

Don't let your government officials do stupid stuff by impeaching a president that hasn't robbed his own country blind and seeing for greed like the previous presidents before him. WAKE UP.

Until Next Post,

Peace & Blessings,

Untouched Jewel 

Baby Daddy: Who Dat Is?!

Hola ladies and gents and readers of my blog.....it's the little one....Untouched Jewel, in the muthaf***in buildin today! I know y'all are thinkin this heffa done fell off the face of the earth since she don't write no more. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm still here, guys. So much has transpired and still transpiring in my life right now, but I gotta get this post off my chest right quick, so get ready for the ride. LOL.

Ok, so my oldest son's father and I met in college years ago and the rest had been history once I became pregnant with our son, who will be 15 this summer. Fast forward, oh about 12 years later, word gets back to me that he ends up knocking up another victim....I mean....young woman. LOL. Another boy is brought into the world. Fast forward again almost two years later......now his new boo thang is pregnant. But get this......WITH TWINS! *cues in scary movie music*

I just find it funny (not in the comical sense of funny) that the man who walked out of my life leaving me pregnant with our son to raise alone is now feeling the ramifications of what we nowadays call Karma. And right about now, that bitch is whoopin his ass somethin fierce. SMH. There is a saying that my grandma always says: "Praise the bridge that carries you safely across." In other words, don't be showin your ass towards those who can be of some sort of help to you one day in life.

In all honesty and sincerity when I say this....I never wanted my son's father to be anything more than what he needed to be.....A FATHER TO HIS CHILD. I haven't asked for a dime from this guy, but to acknowledge and accept that he has a son who needs him and needs to know who he is. But I came to the realization some time ago that he is gonna be and continuing to be who he is whether he wants to accept that into his life or not. I washed my hands of him and continued to be the parent that was gonna love and care for our son no matter what.

As far as he is concerned, I have a deep sense of sadness for him. For a man who will be 35 with 4 kids in and still won't be worth a dime with a hole cut in it, I find that to be tragic. Sure he's not the only deadbeat dad walkin this earth right now. But had I known he was gonna continue to reproduce more children after my son, I shoulda seen the pattern continue. I wish no ill will on him or anyone connected to him. I just wish that he would get his head out of the clouds and grasp the reality that he is now a father of 4 at a young enough age and he's not showing for any of it as a father at all.

I know I would be one to talk or give advice, but better from me than someone who don't know what the hell childbirth or raising babies consist of. Ladies, we have to do better in the choices we make in laying with the opposite sex. I'll do one better: we need to do better in discerning the company we keep. If there is a red flag that is waving and damn near about to knock us over the head, it's high time we pay attention to it. There are far too many of us calling ourselves giving raggedy ass dudes a chance (no matter how decent or shitty he looks) and end up on the shit end of the situation when real life kicks in. If we claim we want better, we gotta put ourselves in the position to want better. In my case, my raggedy ass dude just happen to be wrapped with a shiny bow and window dressing in the form of a college education to cover up the hidden truth. I didn't discern the kind of person he was, because I was too busy ogling over the fact that I was dealing with a college guy and was intrigued by his big college talk and Chicago game he ran on me. If I knew then what I know now, my beautiful son wouldn't even be here. He's the one blessing that came from a terrible situation. I wouldn't trade being his mother for nothing in the world. I love him for life.

Fellas, if you aren't ready to be a parent, stop practicing for parenthood (fucking a female raw). There are plenty of good women whom are mothers of your kids who don't deserve to be disrespected. And then there are your baby mamas......the ratchet, the irresponsible, the downtrodden poor excuses for human beings you impregnate and have the most hell with. JUST STOP IT! If you are going to do what it is that is natural to you when it comes to sex, at least strap up. Ain't nothin worse than dealing with someone for the next 18+ years knowing you had no intentions of a future with them to begin with. Stop relegating yourself to being just a baby daddy...or even worse, a deadbeat daddy.

One thing is certain....I will pray for my son's father, because he's about to catch hell and high water with all these kids he's gotta take care of. God forbid the child support. SMH.


Until Next Post,
Fingaz & Blessins,
Untouched Jewel
(your friendly neighborhood blogger. lol)

Brokenhearted for Valentine's Day

Hey ladies and gents! Untouched Jewel back in the buildin after a long hiatus from writing. 

Gotta say so much has taken place since I last wrote here, but I wanna get this out, because I believe if I don't, I'm gonna go nuts!

Well of course yesterday was Valentine's Day.....the "day of love". Well.....it wasn't that kinda day for me. I always hear people (guys for the most part) talk about fuck that day, because it's so commercialized and it's only out for people spending money when love can be shown all year long, yada, yada, yada. Let me ask you this: what other day is delegated for showing love throughout the year? Don't worry, I'll wait...........EXACTLY. Sure Valentine's Day is supposed to be the day for love, but I wasn't shown shit. No flowers, no candy, no date, nothin! 

It's been so to the point where I stayed logged off of both of my Facebook accounts the whole day last year and this year. I got tired of people showin off their posts and pics of the shit they got, the dates they went on, and all the fun they had while I sat at home after work doin absolutely nothin with nobody. The only exciting thing I did was drown my sorrows in gumbo, and yes it was quite good. Lol. Yes, I had a fat ass moment that lasted only for a moment. 

I'm not gonna even front or put on airs right now. Yesterday damn near depressed me. I felt like an afterthought. And what kinda added insult to injury was a "friend" called me up wanting to have phone sex. Dude, really?! I'm feeling fucked off on some emo shit and you wanna call me for a phone bone and go about your business? Boy, bye! I told him I'd call him back later, but I didn't. I just went to sleep in my lonesome. Yep, lonesome. 

  

I'm sick of being alone! Sure enough I don't want to just settle for anyone who will give me 5 minutes of attention. But dammit, being single for a long time gets so tiresome. I'm not a spring chicken by a long shot. My children aren't babies no more. I'm well out of my teens and twenties. I'll be 34 this year, and time has come and gone. I mean how long am I gonna continue to be single? When I'm my mother's age? Oh hell naw! Honestly, I don't think I would be able to handle being alone in my 50's and 60's.......FUCK THAT! I wanna share my life with someone worthwhile, even on days where I wanna be like "fool, get the hell outta my face!" Single can have its advantages, but not having steady love takes a toll. That's not a cost I'm willing to pay for. I've paid enough in almost 20 years. This shit here gotta stop somewhere. 

I've had my share of lovers and relationships since my teenage years. Truthfully, I'm tired! Tired of wondering of wondering if they will stay or go. Tired of wondering about their intentions are pure or full shit (and it's usually the latter). Tired of people walking into my life fast and leaving even faster. It's like a carousel ride......hop on when they want to, then get off when they get tired. I've only been in love twice, and both times have been heartbreak. I had been determined I wasn't gonna get hurt again, but the in-betweens have been nothin short of a disappointment as well. 

Look, I'm not here to complain, but this is definitely me venting from a build up of shit I've taken from the opposite sex, and I'm ready to cut out the bullshit and games. I'm not like others I know who can turn their feelings off at the drop of a hat. To start, I'm a single mother of two sons who receive 100% of my support! I'm not out in the streets or the clubs every weekend.  I go to work and bring my ass home. I don't hit the mall spending all my paycheck on bullshit while my kids look like they hung with Harriet Tubman. I see too many of these ratchet broads doing that shit......unemployed, knocked up every other year, in the clubs drunk off their ass, lookin like 2 million and their kids are eatin hot dogs and top ramen every night. Yet they seem to pull a dude with no effort. WHAT IN THE ENTIRE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE?! 

I'm tired of making the determination that each Valentine's Day is gonna be better than the next, because it ends up the same. No matter how much optimism I give it, nothing changes. Another year lonely, dateless, and don't get shit. Yes love can be shown all year. But if it can't be shown all year, what makes me think I'm gonna get that "special" day? 

Now before y'all go on the whole tangent of why don't I just love myself, let's get somethin quite straight. I love myself truly, wholeheartedly. My thing is showing love to someone else other than myself and the feelings aren't reciprocated. That's the shit I can't stand just as sure as I've had my government name. Ain't nothin like giving and someone taking. It drains me, and I'm damn near depleted of showing any sign of kindness and affection to anyone.....especially when they aren't deserving of it. I rather hold on to what I can give out unselfishly to someone who deserves it as opposed to it being wasted on someone ungrateful. 

I'm not hoping for anything to be different next year or after, so it would be a surprise if it is. Other than that, don't expect my disposition to be any different. I know my sister is probably gonna read this and give me the casting pearls before swine speech. I'm not hearing that shit either! Just rather keep myself at a distance from people for awhile. 

Until Next Post,

Peace & Blessings,

Untouched Jewel 

Family can be your downfall at times....

Hello ladies and gents, it's ya lady Untouched Jewel in the building! I wanted to touch on this subject, because it seems to me that the family unit isn't what it used to be. I say this, because in this day in age, I find that family will do you worse than strangers on the street. Someone told me that a long time ago, and almost 33 years old, that statement couldn't ring more truer to life than anything.

Let me give you an example of what I mean: I had made plans to attend an event that most of my friends were gonna be at. I had asked my mother if she could watch my kids while I attended this event. Note: I asked her about this days in advance. She gives me the response of "I'll see about it" *snide attitude voice*. In my head I had said to myself I hope she doesn't decide to spring some stupid sh*t up at the last minute and decide not to do it. The day before the event, my mother hits me with a bombshell talking about "If you go, you need to be back here at 5:30, 'cause I got somethin to do". *Insert the Aunt Esther side eye* So then she tries to soften the sh*t up with "well, I'm sorry". In my mind I'm already thinkin "Bitch, please miss me with that I'm sorry sh*t!" So the moment I responded sarcastically, she's gonna get an attitude and be like "well I coulda just told you no, and that woulda been that". REALLY?!

Ladies and gents, now maybe I'm a little off in the head or just reading too much into it all. But I believe she stalled me out and then tried to side-step me at the same time. My thing is, if she didn't want to do it, why couldn't she just come out and say hell to the naw?! I'd rather hear an honest no, than a half ass answer. So the moment she decided she was gonna pull what I call the Punk Ass card, I had to spring into action to rearrange provisions for my kids. So I called my aunt to see if she would be so kind as to watch my boys, and she was more than willing to do it. So that took care of that problem. Here's where the sh*t storm erupted.........*cues in the whodunit music*

So I went to the event that I had planned on attending, and later on that night, I get a text message from my mother on some bullsh*t. She had the nerve to get mad, cause I took my kids elsewhere. Then she had the nerve to say "they coulda stayed at home". REALLY, HEFFA?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! The moment I looked at that message I brushed it off, 'cause not one single f*ck was remotely given. Like, how the hell she gonna get mad at me for making other arrangements with MY kids when she herself was pretty much telling me in punk ass translation she didn't wanna do it? This is the pot callin the kettle black so to speak.

Now before anyone jumps down my throat in how I'm speaking on this regarding my mother, let's get some stuff clear........

1. I have respect for her, even when she pisses me off.
2. I don't ask for much from her (especially when it comes to my kids).
3. I rarely go out much due to certain circumstances and time.

Last I checked, family was to help each other out good or bad. Well, at least in my mind that's what I thought was the protocol when it came to the family unit. I understand that everyone has a life outside of the family unit (i.e. friends, associates, etc.), but that's no excuse to treat your own flesh & blood like the sh*t you stepped on in the grass earlier in the day. I find it funny that I did somethin she had no control over & still feels justified to be mad when I don't give her my full disclosure about it. Ummmm....I don't need permission for what I do with my kids when I see fit. I didn't drop them off with strangers, they were with family....family that was willing to do me the favor of watching them. I don't trust everybody with my kids. And in this situation, I'm about to the point of not depending (or hoping if you will) on the word of someone who wants to be wishy-washy about the decisions they make. Can't do it. Like I said earlier, I would rather hear an honest no than a half ass answer.

Ladies and gents, I say all this to say that how can you count on family when they give you a reason not to? How can a person stare you dead in your face on a daily, claim they love you, but if given the right circumstance and situation show you otherwise? I've stuck by family and have tuned a deaf ear and a blind eye on sh*t that should have been addressed long time ago. Now, I'm to the point where if this is the kind of treatment I get from family, I can show better than I can tell how cruel, inconsiderate and selfish I can be as well. I don't do that tit-for-tat sh*t, but trust it would be a lot of feelings gettin hurt like open wounds with salt thrown in them......yeah, that painful.

Love your family, but don't let them be your downfall....

Until Next Post,
Fingaz & Blessins,
Untouched Jewel

Parenthood: Happiness or Obligation?

Hello ladies and gents, it's ya girl Untouched Jewel in the buildin! I'm doin my best tryin to enjoy this wonderful California weather, but social and enviromental circumstances won't seem to let that happen the way I want to, so here I am.....sitting on this computer pouring out my guts to you all.

Today my youngest son had an awards ceremony at school where he received a perfect attendance award for the month. That's a no-brainer, because he's there everyday and I gets him to school ON TIME. But while I was there, I cheered him on and was proud of him, but for the life of me I couldn't seem to get all of my feelings into it. Sure enough I had other things goin on in my mind that were bothering me (which is all the more reason I can't stand being emotional for the life of me), but I put my best face forward and kept it movin. Don't get it confused, I love and adore my boys. They are my life. But I'm at a point in my life where I feel like everything with my children has more to do with obligation than out of sheer enjoyment of raising two wonderful, smart, well articulated children. A part of me wants to live my own life, and the other part of me has to make sure that their needs and well-being come first before my own. I won't even lie, I'm conflicted. I see some of my own friends who have children that have a chance to get out and play a bit. I don't know if it has to do with how they prioritize their time or responsibilities or what. All I know is for me, it's always one extreme......doing solely for my kids while my social life lacks breathing room.

My children lack for nothing. They have a roof over their head, clothes galore to wear, plenty of food to eat and they have some sort of social interaction with other kids. That's more than what I can say for myself. If I ever get the chance to do anything, it's long after the kids have gotten through their day, gotten settled and gone to bed til the next morning. My leisure time where I can at least regain some of the sanity I do have left is far and few between. And even in all of that, I still don't have time. I know, I know......I can't complain, because this was the choice I made. I can't blame anyone for what I decided to do. I could have just taken the easy way out long time ago and never had children. That wasn't my choice. My choice was to give them a chance at life and not take it away for my own selfish reasons. It wouldn't have been fair to them. But at the same time I know what little bit of life I have to live outside of them is suffering miserably. There are days I like the comforts of being at home and relaxing. Then there are other days where I wanna get the hell out of the four walls and do like the Jill Scott song "Live my life like it's golden."

Man, I don't know.....maybe I need to revamp something in my life and make it to where both myself and my kids have a happy medium. One way for certain is to get the fuck out from around all these damn people I live with, because they drive me damn nuts! LOL. Maybe there's an inner peace I haven't achieved within myself which may be the reason I don't enjoy parenthood like I want to. *shrugs* I just wish for once in my life circumstances would work out on my behalf. In the meantime, I'm doing what I can to make changes, but they don't seem to come around fast enough for me. Oh well....such is life.

Until Next Post,
Peace & Blessings,
Untouched Jewel

Ain't Nothin Happy about Valentine's Day

Good afternoon ladies and gents. It's Untouched Jewel in the buildin today.

The reason I write this post the way I did today, because even though Valentine's Day is just one day, to someone somewhere it can be a scar that hasn't quite healed. It could be a very fond memory that replays in the back of their mind. Even if they have moved on with life, some things are still hard to forget. I know for me, it's both. I'm sure there are plenty of you out there reading this that would tell me "girl, move on", or "stop dwelling on the past." Here's what I say about that: until you have walked a mile in my shoes and loved someone wholeheartedly who practically threw you away like yesterday's trash, don't tell me what I'm supposed to feel, how I'm supposed to heal and in what time frame I'm supposed to move on.

I haven't had a decent Valentine's Day since I was with the sperm donor known as my son's "father".....that's been a cooooool minute. But what adds insult to injury about this day was what happened 4 years ago. The day before, I spoke to my son's father & not one time did he say shit to me about what was really up his sleeve. The next day he married the woman who had his kid that even he didn't know existed. Now mind you the child he and I had together was almost 3 years old at the time. What was so fucked up about it all was the fact that he's giving me lip service about let's start over and be a family yada, yada, yada. BULLSHIT! That's exactly what the fuck I got was bullshit. And since that time, I don't give Valentine's Day any type of praise, pay it any significance, or celebrate the "day of love".

I'm just about at the point where I've tried being open to love and all it entails, but just seeing some of the examples that have been placed in front of me, I almost rather not be in it or embrace it. Sad part in it all is nobody wants to be in love anymore or even remotely take the time out to love someone wholeheartedly. LOVE IS A LOST ART. I feel like whatever love I do have left is damn near depleted. What I have left I don't wanna give out to anyone who doesn't have my love, feelings or best interest at heart. Truthfully, it saddens me to see how the state of affairs are these days when it comes to love and relationships.

Tina Turner said it best: "What's love got to do with it? What's love but a second hand emotion."

All I gotta say is send up a flare when people decide to want to love, be in love and do it sincerely. In the mean time, love has packed up and moved out.

Until Next Post,
Fingaz & Blessins,
Untouched Jewel