Seen and Unseen

Hello ladies and gents. This is my first blog on here, so bare with me as I vent here.

Here's a question that I want to ask you: Have you ever felt like you were seen, and yet unseen? What I mean by that is this: being seen is where you know people, talk to people all the time, engage in conversation, etc., but at the same time feel like you don't fit in? Well, that's me.

You may see me, and wonder: "How the hell could she possibly be an outsider?" Well ladies and gents, it's more complicated than it sounds or looks. See, I'm not your average female for one. Two, I think I'm from another planet (j/k), and three, I will explain why I think I'm seen and yet unseen.

Most of my life, I have had friends. I've known people. I've been cool with people. But for the life of me, I've never seem to fit in anywhere with anybody. Not at school, church, anywhere. I haven't been popular, nor unpopular. I've just been in the mix. Not the stand-out type, not the one that is so unpopular I get clowned on... just IN THE MIX. A wallflower.

That's part of the reason why I hated school (from a social standpoint). People knew me, but I wasn't always included in things with them. Hell, when I went to prom, I went straight home. No after-party, nada. Hell, I went to prom stag. Had a date, then his girl flipped out, so then I ended up by myself. The only good thing about that was I only spent money on one ticket to prom. LOL.

Moving on. So, when it came to guys I liked, I might as well have forgotten it. They knew I liked them, because I was bold (and foolish enough) to tell them I liked them. What a mistake. Let's just say I always got passed up for the hoodrat, or for the prettier girl that captivated that guy's interest. After getting rejected so much, it made me avoid telling the guy I liked (at each time in my life) my feelings for him. It always got me to the proverbial "Bridge to Nowhere".

I know most people would tell me I need to get over it. But sometimes there are scars and moments in life that you just can't seem to get over, and those same scars can even make people who they are later on down the road. Someone asked me what is it that I feel like people should see, but keep missing? That's a good question. The answer I have for that is: I don't know. But one thing I can say is that if people around me would take the time to talk to me on a personal level, maybe they would get a chance to know me for themselves. But this ain't fairy tale land, so I gotta grin and bear it or stay to myself.

I've even talked to another friend about this same thing, and they were trying to be my cheerleading section, telling me I'm top notch. I'm thinking to myself: "Whatever!" Some people may see more than what I see, but like I said earlier it's more complicated than it looks or sounds. Until a person has been in the same kind of shoe-filling situation, it's not something you just easily get over (unless you have a tough skin that nobody can penetrate). I highly doubt that, but whatever.

If there's someone out there who feels the same way, give me your feedback.