A Challenge to Overcome

Hey ladies and gents, it's ya girl Untouched Jewel putting my fingers to work once again.

Today, there was an issue that began to rear its ugly head. This is something that I have been dealing with throughout my formative years, even into adulthood. As much as I didn't want to deal with the issue, it has been sneaking up on me and now it has become something that I once and for all must face.

Ever since elementary school, I knew alot of people and made friends (or should I say more like acquaintances) with them. It was good that I got to know people, but what was the issue was the fact that no matter how much I knew them, I never seem to fit in with them. Be it with just a couple of people or an entire "clique" of people, my piece of the puzzle just never fit quite right anywhere. I had friends/acquaintances at school, home and church, but never did I once have the kind of connection that put me in the inner circle like other people had. This continued on into high school.

For years, I was always what I considered myself to be the "odd man out". I never was invited to parties, never invited to friends' houses just to come kick it. Everytime I heard about a party or a get-together, nobody bothered to ask me if I wanted to come along. NO ONE. I began to wonder if people even liked me, or if I was standoffish and antisocial in some sense. Hell, I even went to prom alone. How sad is that? My own brothers and sister had dates, and me......? Nothing. SMH. Honestly, the only time I felt like I was included and accepted was when I was in college.

Anywho, there are times I still feel like this as an adult, why? Dunno. There are times that I sit at home at family functions and still feel left out some kind of way. I just want to go into my room and stay there until people leave, because I don't have a good time. I don't feel popular or unpopular....I feel like a wallflower. Just there taking up space in other people's lives while mine is a drag. Sucks, at best, but it is what it is. I brought this matter of mine to a few people to see what they had to say, and they mainly told me to just be myself. Well, being me doesn't always work. Don't get it twisted, the last thing I want to be is something I'm truly not. But what I don't want to be is just another spot in someone else's life being taken up when there's nothing else better to do. If that's the case, I'd rather be left alone.

I don't know about the rest of the population, but I Untouched Jewel, am practically bearing my soul here on the world wide web, and addressing a problem I've had for over 20 years. I wouldn't be quick to call it depression or some type of chemical embalance in my brain. I know I'm not crazy, or overexaggerating what I know to be my reality, but I guess I'm searching for an answer to an unending problem that I wish once and for all would go away. In order to face this challenge that's got my poor psyche uneasy, I must take the bull by the horns and find a solution to this problem. Otherwise...I'm stuck with the burning question of why, and what am I doing that's causing it.

Until next post,
Peace & Blessings,
Untouched Jewel