Ok, I know I did a post earlier today. I don't want to make myself go into overkill status with anyone who reads my blogs. But for quite some time now (say the past 6 months), I've been real flip-floppy about wanting to be in a relationship or even considering the possibility of marriage. Hell, I'm 28 with two children. No ring. That's enough to make just about any black woman want to tear her hair out, with that whole "biological clock" stuff going on and not wanting to be alone forever. Then, there's the part of me that screams: "F it! I don't want to be bothered with that drama! I got better ish to do!" The silly part of it all is I go through this change and flip-floppy attitude more often than I really need to. And then I begin to wonder if something is really wrong with me.
I'm the type of person that is very decisive and will stick to a decision I make 8 or 9 times out of 10. I know what I want out of the rest of my life... and then there's this. Don't know if it's fear of being in another relationship, going through a early life crisis phase, or just plain 'ole losin my mind!
Anyway, as much as I don't want to admit that I'm running in the rat race for love like the rest of the world, truth is I really am. It sucks, because I feel like I'm in a desperate space, and I'm not one to be desperate. Untouched Jewel got way too much pride for that. NOTE: MEN, IF YOU THINK THAT WOMEN DON'T HAVE PRIDE ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS (ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS), THINK AGAIN. Ok, back to the subject at hand. I don't know why I'm even saying this, but I might as well get it off my chest. I'm tired of no companionship, spending every night with not one soul to just lay there and comfort me like a teddy bear to a child. Sick of dead-end relationships, sick of being passed up for the more prettier female, just sick of love and craving it at the same time. There, I said it! This is me bearing my soul to the world wide web ladies and gentlemen.
I know there are bloggers who try to keep a part of themselves guarded for the sake of writing and what not, but I guess I haven't developed that thick skin yet. Oh well. Now, don't get it twisted, I have my standards for the kind of man I want. But the chance of me finding that? Slim to none. The one person whom I thought would be that kind of guy for me has someone already. So much luck on that one. Oh well. People always say "Good things come to those who wait", but what about when you have waited so long to where you lose faith in finding the "one", or the "one" finding you? Hell, I don't understand how even thugs and hoodrats find love before me! I know that statement I just made sounds kinda messed up, but it's true. Shit, even golddiggers (somewhat) find love before I do. What's really wrong here? I would like to be wooed and taken aback by the one guy I know I would spend life with.
Well, guess I gotta deal with what I'm dealing with until that one day and right guy comes along. Until then, another night alone. Another year solo. Another brief moment with the switcheroo attitude. LMAO.
Peace and Blessings,
Untouched Jewel
3 comments:
u could be but dont play with bipolar, my daughters mom is bipolar, rage, trying to kill herself and others, hosptilizations
anywho hope u dont mind the drive by
will u be ther in the am?
It's frustrating...it really is. And you're not crazy, I think we just live in crazy times. I think we have to deal with alot of issues that our mothers and the women before us did not have to deal with. It's hard. But the only thing we can do is continue to be ourselves, continue to keep an open mind and continue to uphold our standards. Keep your head up, girl.
Wow, I ran upon your blog and we have a few things in common..I'll definitely be reading this more!
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