Hello ladies and gents. I know lately I've talked about relationships and what not, but I have a question to ask you: DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE THE BIGGER PERSON TO FORGIVE SOMEONE AND CONTINUE TO BE A PERSON'S FRIEND AFTER BEING DOGGED OUT IN THE WORST WAY IMAGINABLE? DO YOU THINK IT'S RIGHT FOR ALL PARTIES INVOLVED TO ACT CHUMMY AND WHAT NOT LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED? Okay, that was two questions. Sorry. LOL.
Anyway, HWSNBN'D is asking me to forgive him after all the chaos that has taken place between us. Right now I'm really not feeling it, because I was called every bitch, slut, whore and lesbian (can you believe he called me a lesbian?!) in the book. Yes y'all, I was totally disrespected. So the other day, he tells me that all the things he said to me he didn't mean what he said to me. Well, what I got to say is this: if a man calls a woman out of her name, it was meant to be said. END OF STORY. People don't say what they don't mean. If they didn't mean it, it wouldn't have been said at all. So now, I just take a person for face value (which don't mean a hill of beans to me no more). Some people's face value ain't even worth a postage stamp these days. I personally, don't have the time or patience to deal with men who know they ain't gonna act right.
I just know for me right now, it's not feasible for me to just 'all of a sudden' just be a friend to this person. He had the choice to move on with his life, and I was robbed of mine. In all honesty, why would I be fair to forgive someone who made a fool of me? Sure, two wrongs don't make anything right, but when has a victim of wrongdoing forgiven an offender for doing them harm? I just don't get it. I'm to a point in life where I'm at peace with the current situation, and I don't seem to care what's going on with said person's life. I'm doing me, and quite alright with that. Being friendly with him right now will do nothing for me, but open up old wounds that are slowly healing right now. I want to heal first, and then let the rest fall in place.
So ladies and gents, here's another question I want to ask you: WHEN DO YOU FEEL THERE IS A RIGHT TIME AND PLACE TO FORGIVE A PERSON WHOM HAS DONE YOU SO WRONG? IS IT EVER A GOOD TIME (IF AT ALL) TO FORGIVE THEM? I would love to hear the opinions of my readers and those who happen to pass through to read this.
In closing, sometimes I wish forgiveness was an easy thing to do. But when you have people that hurt you (intentionally or not), it has a tendency to leave a burning and long-lasting memory in your mind that would take however long time to go away. Forgiveness is more than a notion. When it comes to love, it's really more than a notion. I just never could understand how people can turn love on and off without a passing beat and act like as if it never happened. I just know for me, forgiveness takes more than just saying I'm sorry and asking for that person's forgiveness. It's about being sorry for what was done and showing your sincerity. I don't just forgive people, because they say 'I'm sorry'. To me, that's just a way of selling me wolftickets just to get back into my good graces for you to do the same ish all over again. I don't appreciate that. It only lets me know that you never had the intention of doing right by me anyway, and therefore I have to cut ties with that person.
So to HWSNBN'D: Saying I'm sorry takes more than just some forethought of saying it without the actions not bearing some weight on your psyche. It takes more than saying those words to get rid of a guilty conscience. Right now, your apology to me seems insincere and fraudulent, but I could be wrong. So much has happened, and now that the shock value has ended, it's all a matter of moving on with my life and just finding the peace of mind that I do deserve. Whatever you do with your life is whatever you do. I'm living mine, and nobody (including you) is gonna rob me of living my life and hopefully letting love back into my heart. As of this time,LOVE no longer lives here. However, I do thank you for showing me that what we had was not the best thing for either one of us, and have chosen to go our separate ways.
So ladies and gents, share your experiences with forgiveness. I would love to hear them.
Until Next Post,
Peace & Blessings,
Untouched Jewel
5 comments:
I think forgiveness is imperative, however, I don't think it means you have to bring that person back in your life. Forgiving frees you from emotional turmoil and eliminates the possibility of having a hardened heart. I felt a physical change when I forgave my friend for some mess that happened last summer. I won't go down that road with him again, but we can remain friends because I think I understand why he did what he did. On the other hand, if it was an offense that made me lose respect, etc. then I'd forgive and move on. It's a hard but necessary decision in my opinion.
"People don't say what they don't mean. If they didn't mean it, it wouldn't have been said at all."Yeah? So every single person who has ever said that they "loved somebody"... did they really mean what they said? We both know that's not true as the divorce rate alone is at around 50%.
Sometimes, it isn't as simple as "this guy or this girl said this shit, so it must be how they really feel about me!" Yes, sometimes it's true but not all of the time. Sometimes when we're drunk, we say things we definately do not mean.
It's the same thing when we're angry. We say things, just so we could hurt that other person and not necessarily because it's what we really felt all of these years... however, only you know the situation better than anybody.
I think you know that forgiveness is the best option, but the question is... when is the right time?
As long as the both of you are alive and well.
Ms. untouched Jewel, I haven't visited in a whild so Hello.
I know you've heard this before but forgiveness is not for the other person. As long as YOU hold onto this ...ahhh, these feelings, only you suffer. Forgiveness is not condoning what the other did to us. You can forgive someone but yet still have a disdain for the act that brought on the discomfort. Try to understand the fool and then move on. Smile at his ass and keep steppin'. It works as a means of letting go and leaving them to wonder WTF you are on. Now you've given the probelm back to them. Don't let no nigga see your pain. Fuck'em if they can't take a joke ..."411 a joke in they town" joke that fool with a smile and a laugh. Never give them the pleasure of knowing they are still in your head.Remember, it's not condoning their actions. If they think so, they got the game fucked up.
Come by and visit sometimes.
forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation.
forgive him for your heart and health. move on for your heart and your mind.
in other words... fvck him!
I agree 100% with folk forgive for you because it free's you but X that nigga out your life completely. Don't write, don't kick it, don't follow him on twitter, myspace, etc, what the hell for.... Anyway you have to learn to let people go its the revolving door policy you have to learn to stop. Take the door mate sign off your forehead and turn ya back. A life lesson is what this is considered learn it, never forget it it will serve you well for years to come.
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