Hey ladies and gents, it's ya girl Untouched Jewel in the buildin!
There's been a lot going on in our world recently with the events that have presently taken place with the major earthquake and tsunami in Northern Japan. It's sad and heartbreaking watching disastrous events unfold and lives being lost in the muck and mire of the after effects. So ladies and gents, if you have any decency and empathy left in your heart, please...SAY A PRAYER FOR THE PEOPLE IN JAPAN. They would do it for you if you were in their position.
Okay now that I have all the formalities out of the way...let's begin. Well, from last post I had been doing some sort of soul searching in a sense, even though I should have long been past that. But I guess there's never a definitive time or place when my soul search should begin or end. Anyway, in some of the process of that, I've always had the mindset that I want to be someone's wife one day. That's right...be the Mrs. Now let me go on to clarify that the reason for wanting that has nothing to do with age or some kind of social standard or statistic that I will end up the 40 something percent of single black women who will never get married. Who gives a rat's ass about stats? I sure don't! I have always dreamed about getting married and having a family. Well, I had the family. The only thing I didn't have is the husband. It's not to say that there's no hope for me to get married, but then there's another dilemma I feel like I face myself. DO I OR DON'T I!
Just the other day I really began to wonder that even though I'm older and a far cry from a spring chicken, am I really ready to take that step down the aisle? Sure, being single can have its advantages like having "options" per se, not having to deal with the stress and strain of dealing with another person outside of yourself, and...being able to DO YOU. And of course there are the cons of being single as well such as facing the reality of possibly being alone for the rest of your life, just to name one. So I'm trying to weigh out the pros and cons of how this whole thing plays out in my life. Sure, I wants to enjoy all that entails with the single life, and yet want to be the Mrs. one day. I'm so torn y'all!!! See, that's the dichotomy that is Untouched Jewel...to be or not to be...that's my question!
I won't even lie when I say this: I want to do me and get my mid life swagger up with no guilt, no stress, no strain. I've spent a decade of my adult life trying to be so much to so many other people that I never stopped to take the chance to really be me. Don't get it twisted, I'll always be a mother and provider for my children always, that's a given, because my babies are the gifts God gave me. At the same time, I would like to try and let my hair down and be myself without the perceptions of family, friends, and others around me that only see me at face value on a regular basis. I don't want my life to be based on what others see me as being. I want them to see me as ME. Okay, almost veered off to the left, but I'm back now. LOL. So yeah, back to what I was originally saying. Nothing would make me more happy than to be Mrs. (fill in the last name here). However, Untouched Jewel will also be happy at "doing me", too. What's the tricky part to all of that is I refuse to be stuck in categories of a jumpoff, FWB, or the infamous and dreadful baby mama--a category I know all too well. I would like to flex my sensuality at times when the mood and feeling strikes me, but at the end of the day, all I'm asking is for some respect. Not queen for a day, not being the alpha female, just be respected in my role as the woman.
Ladies and gents, maybe y'all can help me out with this one. If you have any similar stories, please do share what steps you are or have taken in combating the dilemma you face. I know for me, it's a hard decision to make of whether I want to stay single or marry, but I do hope and pray that whatever the outcome, I'm gonna be happy and gonna be me.
Until Next Post,
Peace & Blessings,
Untouched Jewel
***Side note: Everybody pls say a prayer for the Hale family. Nathaniel Hale aka Nate Dogg passed away tonight at the young age of 41. This is a tragedy for them, but do keep them in your thoughts and if at all pay your condolences to them. Thank you.***
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