Moving along...
Of course I have these moments where I may see something that was of my past or sometimes almost present, and have these pondering moments and wonder all kind of stuff. Yeah I know, I have too much time on my hands...sue me! LOL. But I do wonder if there were people and things that were meant to be in my life for a reason or just there for that time being taking up space, much to my own doing? Exes, missed opportunities, the shoulda-woulda-couldas...I know everybody has those, don't front! I won't lie to y'all, but sometimes I get sad (even though I'm happy for someone) when they are getting married, having another addition to their family, etc. I often wonder if my life would have been different from at least 12, 13 years ago up til now. Maybe things could have been much better, or maybe even worse...who knows. Sometimes I wish I could trade places with some of my friends or even with the new person that may have come into an old love interest's life and been the one that could make them happy. I guess some things just weren't meant to be that way for me.
In my honest opinion, life has a funny way of bringing about the outcome of how we all are at certain places and positions with family, career, love, etc. Some people become very prosperous in all areas, and some not. I know for me, I've gained and lost and feel like in some areas I'm still stuck at square one years later. I look at other people's live and almost envy them, because they've accomplished far more than what I have. There are times I've gotten mad at myself thinking what the hell is wrong with me that I can't seem to accomplish all the things my friends, exes, family members, and other acquaintances have acquired. What have I done that is such a never-ending failure that there can never be a sense of pride in my own eyes?! Maybe I'm so hard on myself to live up to such a standard of high expectation, that I stumble and haven't managed to get back up and try again.
Sure we all tell each other that things will be fine and to keep trying, but we all know that at one point in time or another we have tried keeping up with the Joneses and STILL fall short on something. I will admit to that. I've tried most of my adult life keeping up with everybody else, and yet still playing catch-up and feeling like I'm past my prime trying to fulfill some goals in life. I've always wanted to be a Registered Nurse. After a while I switched up my major to go into Sports Medicine, and damn near screwed that off. If only there was an actual real-life "DO OVER" button I could press and go back at least 10 years...*sigh* I would have had my degree already, probably would've been married, a homeowner, and bank rolling a six-figure or more salary in my profession of Sports Medicine Specialist. DAMN!
A good part of my life was much of my doing...but what's done is done and nothing can be changed about it. Just gotta grab what's left of my life by the horns and keep it pushing. Hopefully I can do what I can to make the best of it before it's too late.
Until Next Post,
Peace & Blessings,
Untouched Jewel
1 comment:
Have you ever taken the MBTI?? From this post I'm thinking that you might be an INFp.
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